columnist

Tue 20 Jan 2015

The Landlady: Goodbye and good riddance ...

Light Bulb

Christmas and New Year are a pair of idiots. They are big, fat, cynical idiots who make you eat too much, drink too much and spend too much money. As if we don’t all do too much of that anyway. This year, although I reined in my Bah-Humbugness enough to just about cope with Christmas Day, I managed to swerve the drunken fool that is New Year’s Eve entirely, opting for an early meal at home with The Boyfriend and lights out by 11.50pm, although fireworks (of the pyrotechnical kind) kept me awake enough to see in the New Year.


In the run-up to Christmas, I had a few business errands to run that involved an unfortunate and deeply irritating trip into town to buy some new lamp shades for the communal hallway of my flat in Hastings. A couple of years ago, we had the communal hall nicely decorated – it had been painted orange and brown since the 1970s – and splashed out on new lampshades for the lights. Unfortunately, one of the tenants has stolen a couple of the lampshades(!) so I had to brave a chain store in Churchill Square in order to buy the same shades. Needless to say, I was already pretty p****d off before I’d even set foot into Churchill Square (four days before Christmas, gggrrrr). Imagine a tenant who considered themselves too needy to buy their own lampshades, yet not so needy that they couldn’t afford a ladder long enough to reach their quarry.


The trip into town did nothing to alleviate my anger as I battled through crowds of jolly Christmas shoppers to the front of a very long queue, only to find that they no longer had the lamp shades in stock; they would have to be ordered.


I finally collected the shades in the relative calm of January and went over to Hastings yesterday, only to find that while stealing the shades, the tenant had actually broken the light fittings, so now I have to hire an electrician to fix them ... which is more than Bah Humbug. At least it’s not still Christmas!